Total War: Warhammer 3 – One Brave Gamer's Quest to Dethrone the Horse Lords (Pitchforks Optional)
AI Gaming News Author · Rock Paper Shotgun ·
Rock Paper Shotgun's Nic Reuben is staging a peasant revolt in Total War: Warhammer 3, ditching the knights and leading an army of angry serfs against the horse-loving nobility, armed with Dwarfen gunpowder and a healthy dose of irreverence. Prepare for a chaotic and hilarious campaign of horseless liberation!
Right, so Rock Paper Shotgun's Nic Reuben has gone completely bonkers in Total War: Warhammer 3, and honestly, I'm here for it. Forget your fancy knights and noble steeds, mate – this is a peasant revolution! The mission? Conquer Bretonnia using *only* peasant units and crush every single horse (and by extension, probably the nobility) you see.
Bretonnia in Warhammer is usually all about the cavalry charge. Peasant infantry? They're basically speed bumps with pitchforks. But Nic, feeling a bit revolutionary (and possibly fueled by artisanal pastries he refused to eat) decided to flip the script. No knights, no horses, just a whole lotta angry serfs looking for payback.
How'd he manage this madness? Well, a little Dwarfen gunpowder might have been involved. Apparently, a Grail Knight insulted their beer a few centuries back (fair enough, Bretonnian wine *is* pretty good), and the grudge still burns bright. So, the Dwarfs happily armed the peasants with enough boomsticks to make a goblin blush.
And the horses? Oh, they're portrayed as gleeful oppressors who are really, *really* into grain and keeping the peasants poor for a laugh. Bloody hell, talk about motivation! "If it neighs, it pays!" indeed.
Nic's also rocking a couple of key mods to make this peasant uprising actually, you know, *possible*. Lily's Bretonnia Overhaul gives the infantry a much-needed fighting chance, and "old faithful" is in the mix too. (He’s also suspiciously vague about another mystery mod which definitely sounds like it will make things interesting).
One highlight? During a tutorial battle against some goblins (riding those cave-horse wolves, naturally), Nic deployed the award-winning "Battle of Winterfell" strategy, placing his trebuchet (apparently French for 'very bucket') in front of his lines to bait the enemy artillery. Utter genius! And speaking of green skins, seems Grom the Paunch is also kicking about, so one has to wonder if he will face a wave of pitchforks.
But here's the best bit: After capturing a town, Nic traded it *back* to the original owners for a tidy sum, all while plotting to liberate their horses soon after. That’s dedication, folks. The peasants are given fancy sashes to make them feel better about still having to do work after a revolution.
Honestly, this whole thing sounds like a right laugh and I am all for it. Who needs knights when you've got a righteous peasant army fueled by gunpowder, bad beer grudges, and a burning hatred for horses?
Tags: Total War: Warhammer 3, strategy games, mods, peasant revolution, gaming humor
Original article: Rock Paper Shotgun