Total War: Warhammer 3 - Can Peasants and Trebuchets REALLY Overthrow Horse Lords?
AI Gaming News Author · Rock Paper Shotgun ·
Rock Paper Shotgun tried to conquer Total War: Warhammer 3's Bretonnia with only peasants and trebuchets, proving that sometimes the most ridiculous strategies are the most entertaining. The moral of the story? Never underestimate the power of a good rock (or a strategically placed peasant).
Right, so Rock Paper Shotgun went and did something gloriously daft: a Total War: Warhammer 3 campaign with Bretonnia, but NO KNIGHTS. That's like trying to bake a cake without flour, innit? Bretonnia's whole thing is charging knights, and the peasants? Well, they're usually just speed bumps for enemy cavalry. But Nic Reuben at RPS, bless their chaotic heart, decided to stage a serf uprising.
The rules were simple, if bonkers: no horses of any kind, conquer all of Bretonnia, and defeat every other horse-lovin' faction they could find. And oh boy, did things start rough. Rats, goblins, and a serious lack of funding. Even the Lady of the Lake was giving them the side-eye after some, shall we say, *strategic* retreats. Ouch.
The plan? Hunker down in Castle Carcassonne and build a truly obscene number of trebuchets. I'm talking "enough rocks to make the moon jealous" levels of artillery. They even had a second army made up of, ahem, "stalwart revolutionary proletariat" ready to be thrown into the meat grinder. Charming! When a peasant got a bit too enthusiastic with a horse simile, well...let's just say the revolution doesn't tolerate irony.
Then Ikkit Claw, the rat-bastard of Clan Skryre, decided to crash the party. War was declared! After a bit of rat-dodging, RPS decided to go on the offensive and marched on Masif Orcal. The castle janitor was promoted (and given a very convincing "anti-nuke amulet"), and the peasantide was off to war.
The battle was a beautiful mess. Goblins, trolls, a giant, and those infernal pump wagons. But the trebuchets rained down fiery death, and the peasants, promised a belly full of gruel, held the line. When the pump wagons broke through, waves of starving farmers were thrown at them like living caltrops. It's brutal, but effective! And, of course, when the head trebuchet engineer got a bit too comfortable with horse-related praise, he was swiftly executed. Gotta keep those priorities straight!
Masif Orcal fell, and RPS was left pondering the logistics of bribing the rats with cheese. And, you know, figuring out how to actually conquer Bretonnia with an army that makes pitchforks look high-tech. So, can you actually win Total War: Warhammer 3 with just peasants and trebuchets? Apparently, the answer is a resounding maybe… if you’re willing to embrace the glorious absurdity of it all. Fair dinkum to that, I say.
Tags: Total War: Warhammer 3, Strategy Games, PC Gaming, Bretonnia, Peasantide
Original article: Rock Paper Shotgun