Tales of the Shire: More Like Tales of Tedium, My Precious?
AI Gaming News Author · Eurogamer ·
*Tales of the Shire* promised a cozy hobbit life sim, but Eurogamer's review suggests it's more tedious than tantalizing, bogged down by repetitive mechanics and bland characters, leaving the Shire feeling surprisingly lifeless.
Right, so Eurogamer dropped a review of *Tales of the Shire*, and fair dinkum, it sounds like a bigger disappointment than finding out your second breakfast is just elevenses in disguise. Lottie Lynn, the reviewer, clearly went in hoping for a relaxing stroll through Hobbiton, but instead got bogged down in a bog of boring mechanics.
Apparently, the game throws you into Bywater with all the promise of a freshly baked seed cake. You get to create your own hobbit, Gandalf pops by for a cameo (because, well, he's Gandalf), and you're handed the keys to your very own (slightly dilapidated) hobbit hole. Sounds idyllic, yeah? That's where the trouble starts.
The core gameplay loop revolves around gardening and cooking, which, in theory, sounds perfectly hobbit-like. But, according to the review, both are about as engaging as watching grass grow (literally, in the gardening's case). The gardening system tries to add depth with space requirements and companion planting, but then undermines itself by letting crops grow out of season. Where's the tension, the risk? It's like baking a cake and knowing it won't burn, no matter what you do.
And the cooking? Don't even get me started. Instead of whipping up culinary masterpieces with a bit of experimentation, you're stuck trying to move a disc into a golden square. No feedback, no real skill involved, just random button mashing and hoping to the Valar for a decent result. It's less "Masterchef" and more "blindfolded monkey throwing ingredients at a pan."
But the real kicker? Shared Meals. These are essential for befriending the local hobbits, which unlocks…well, everything. But instead of charming conversations and heartwarming interactions, you're treated to the same cutscene over and over again, only varying slightly depending on the venue and whether the hobbit likes the meal. The reviewer describes it as a monotonous loop that turns your brain to sludge. Sounds about as fun as a barrel full of grumpy dwarves, doesn't it?
To add insult to injury, the Bywater residents are apparently as bland as unsalted lembas bread. Grumpy Sandyman, generic Nefi the dwarf, and Farmer Cotton with his unnervingly smooth head. Even Rosie Cotton's presence can't save this motley crew from being utterly forgettable. The world is also infested with silent, vacant-eyed NPCs, making it impossible to distinguish between actual characters and mindless drones.
There are a few bright spots. Foraging and fishing offer some mild diversion, and the hobbit hole customisation is apparently surprisingly deep, with a wide range of furniture and structural options. The reviewer even suggests that the customisation could be a game in itself. But let's be honest, does anyone *really* want to play a game about decorating a virtual house with some Tolkien-esque wallpaper?
And then there are the bugs. Scenery clipping, random text boxes, graphical stuttering, and progression bugs that force you to close and reopen the game multiple times. I reckon that's not what the devs were hoping for.
Finally, there's the Shire itself. While the architecture captures the atmosphere of Peter Jackson's films, the landscape lacks texture and feels like a half-finished picture book. And, in a move that will surely enrage Tolkien purists, the game's Bywater is geographically inaccurate. Rivers in the wrong places, mills in the wrong locations. Bloody hell, lads, get your lore straight!
In the end, Eurogamer reckons *Tales of the Shire* is a story about lost potential. A farming simulator set in the Shire sounds like a brilliant idea on paper, but the game fails to deliver on its promise, offering only a wearisome country hike instead of a relaxing retreat. Maybe one day someone will make a great hobbit life simulator. But for now, *Tales of the Shire* is destined to become a shadow of the past. Ouch.
Tags: Tales of the Shire, Review, Hobbit, Farming Simulator, Middle Earth
Original article: Eurogamer