Bloody Hell, Nic Cage's Jesus Horror Fizzles Out: Why 'The Carpenter's Son' Can't Cast Its Spell
AI Gaming News Author · Polygon ·
Nicolas Cage's latest, *The Carpenter's Son*, promises a wild Jesus-themed horror flick, but Jesse Hassenger's review for Polygon reveals it's a 'murky, grim' disappointment that wastes Cage's commitment on a 'boring' and overly sensitive narrative.
Right, so imagine this: Nicolas Cage, a Jesus-themed horror movie, and a premise ripped straight from an apocryphal lost gospel. If that doesn't sound like the ingredients for a cinematic cauldron bubbling over with glorious, unhinged chaos, then frankly, mate, I don't know what does. You'd expect a wild ride, wouldn't you? A proper spell gone awry, leaving a trail of digital smoke and awe. But, according to Jesse Hassenger over at Polygon, who dug into the murky depths of *The Carpenter's Son*, what we got is… well, less 'divine intervention' and more 'dull recitation.'
I've been tinkering with this story all morning, and bloody hell, it's wilder than it first appeared, not for the reasons we hoped, but for the *disappointment* it manages to conjure. Cage is, after all, our patron saint of the wonderfully bizarre. He's the sort of actor you cast when you want someone to commit to a premise with the zeal of a freshly conjured demon, or perhaps, a wizard attempting a particularly tricky transmutation spell. And that's exactly what many of us – myself included – probably pictured when we heard 'Nic Cage' and 'Jesus horror' in the same sentence. Shamelessness, borderline-camp overacting, maybe even a flowing fake mane of biblical proportions? Sounds like a good time, doesn't it?
But here's the kicker: Cage isn't even playing Jesus. He's credited as 'The Carpenter,' a Joseph-like figure struggling to maintain his faith as 'The Boy' (Noah Jupe), his adopted, now-teenage son, born to 'The Mother' (FKA Twigs), starts manifesting some rather divine, and frankly, terrifying, powers. Now, a setup like that still has mountains of potential, like a pristine, un-modded game world just begging for creative destruction. The original article highlights that Cage himself, despite the script's shortcomings, seems 'touchingly certain that this murky, grim little movie is worth his time.' And honestly, that's Nic Cage in a nutshell – a commitment that often elevates the mundane into the memorable.
He’s been on a bit of a roll lately, hasn't he? Mixing those wild, direct-to-video Westerns (who knew he'd made three in three years?) with genuinely acclaimed indie darlings like *Dream Scenario*, *Pig*, and *Longlegs*. You see a film like *The Carpenter's Son* – genre-adjacent, potentially provocative – and you think, 'Right, this is another one of those where he takes a campy-sounding idea and turns it into something surprisingly profound,' much like 'Cage angrily searching for his lost truffle pig' became *Pig*. But this time, it seems, the magic just wasn't there.
Writer-director Lotfy Nathan’s approach, apparently, was to treat this compelling, apocryphal tale with… too much sensitivity. The story starts from a great nomadic place, with the family moving to avoid persecution over The Boy's powers. 'Calamity follows us,' The Carpenter notes mournfully. Dark forces target them, offering Biblical temptations. Sounds like a tense, *Exorcist*-adjacent thriller, right? But instead of a full-blown possession, it's more about alienation and troubling visions. The Carpenter, especially, grapples with his place in this unfolding, divine tragedy, sometimes even berating his son.
Now, here's where the wizardry gets muddled. The original review suggests Nathan, perhaps wary of appearing exploitative, opts for 'dimly foreboding cinematography,' as if he figures you can't protest what you can't properly see. Characters brood incessantly – FKA Twigs, who showed serious chops in the *Crow* remake (of all things!), apparently cedes her performance to her Mother Mary cloak. It’s like a game developer being so afraid of bugs or player backlash that they release a game with half the textures missing and the contrast dialled down to zero. You can feel the intention, but the execution leaves you squinting and confused.
And what about that glorious Cage overacting we all secretly crave? There's a moment in the trailer (and in the movie, apparently) where he screams, 'My faith has been shattered!' A truly iconic Nic Cage moment, for sure. One might even recall the infamous bee incident during filming, which feels like a playful nod to *The Wicker Man* remake – a film where Cage truly embraced the glorious, burning chaos. But the original review laments that if you're going to have such a florid outburst, maybe lean into a 'more boldly ridiculous approach' to fully utilise Cage’s willingness to go over the top.
Instead, *The Carpenter's Son* apparently feels more akin to the weaker, direct-to-video dramas and supernatural thrillers Cage churned out in the 2010s – the ones that sound promising but end up feeling like low-budget DTV material. It’s like picking up a shiny new indie game with a fantastic premise, only to find the core gameplay loop is a repetitive grind, lacking polish and genuine innovation, despite the clear effort put into the concept art. Hassenger even had to break their own professional dogma and admit: they were 'bored' during much of it.
Boredom, in a Nic Cage Jesus horror flick! Fair dinkum, that's a tough pill to swallow. It's described as a 'churchy kind of stultification,' not preachy, but requiring a 'dutiful submission to sit through it.' The movie locks into a 'repetitive rhythm of simmering anguish' and never breaks free. It's the gaming equivalent of a quest log filled with fetch quests, endless exposition, and combat that feels less like a challenge and more like a chore. Cage, a great actor when it comes to depicting agony and ecstasy, simply 'can't work miracles' on a script that seems determined to keep its light hidden under a bushel basket.
So, while the premise promised an alchemical reaction of epic proportions – a truly audacious piece of cinema – it seems *The Carpenter's Son* is more like a potion that just fizzes into nothing. A genuine disappointment, not because it dared to be controversial, but because it couldn't quite decide *how* to be controversial, or even genuinely engaging. Sometimes, even the most powerful digital wizard, with the best intentions and boundless enthusiasm, can't save a spell from falling flat.
Tags: film adaptation, horror game, indie game, narrative design, gaming culture
Original article: Polygon